"There is a fourth function of money: as a means of social control."
- William Michael Cunningham Economist & Author

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It's time once again for the debut of a new Star Wars series on Disney+, which means it's also time for Star Wars fans to be horrified and despondent over what Disney has done to their beloved space opera franchise. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your own point of view), Disney has a lot more Star Wars in the hopper.

The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of new Star Wars characters coming soon to Disney+:

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Banana republics from across the globe have begun to feel a bit bad for the United States, and wondering if perhaps they ought to do something to help.

"It's sad. I mean we have sham trials here too, but at least we have bananas," said dictator Omar Carrillo. "I just really feel for them, you know?"

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Though some recent data has indicated large percentages of voters are breaking toward former President Donald Trump, new polls show President Joe Biden still has a sizeable lead among people who will be counting the ballots.

Despite continuing to build what at times has appeared to be a massive lead, Trump reportedly still struggles to make gains among the small number of people who are in charge of counting votes in November.

In yet another scandal involving the conservative Supreme Court judge, Democrats released a damning photograph of Justice Samuel Alito reading the Constitution.

After releasing the photo, Democrats argued that Justice Alito had clearly been radicalized and could not be trusted to make impartial rulings on the constitutionality of any case due to the fact that he had read the Constitution in the past.

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